A Lent of Love: Making This Lent Count for Your Marriage
Want to transform your marriage by Easter? Here's how.
Given that Ash Wednesday was yesterday, this post may seem a bit late. But, it occurred to me this morning that however much we acknowledge the power of Lent to transform our relationship with God, we don’t think enough about this season’s ability to do the same in our marriage.
Which seems like a great loss, since one of Jesus’ two greatest commandments is to love your neighbor as yourself:
“‘Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law?’ And he said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Matthew 22:36-39)
And who could we consider a closer neighbor to us than our spouse, our other half, the only human person with whom we share a covenantal relationship?
I think we’re often tempted to think of our neighbors as those outside of our home, those we interact with here and there. In many ways, it’s easier to love those further away than it is to love those closest to us. Our family knows what buttons to push to drive us crazy. Their moods and habits affect us directly every day. And they’re more demanding of our time and energy than anyone else.
So, while it’s wonderful to start volunteering, give more money away, or pray more for those outside of our homes this Lent, our vocation - as wives and mothers - is how God calls us to love him most, by loving our husbands and children even (or especially) when it’s hard.
Make it a Lent of Love
So, how can we make this Lent one of love for Got and our spouses? Start by asking yourself this question: If I were to love my spouse the way I want to love Jesus, what would that look like? What would I need to do differently?
This may sound idolatrous, but bear with me. Jesus tells us that what we do to others, we do to him:
“for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me. […] Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brethren, you did it to me.” (Matthew 25:35-36, 40)
Mother Teresa used to say that she saw the face of Jesus in every person she served. That was how she mustered a seemingly limitless capacity to love others. What if you saw Jesus’ face in your husband every time he was tired, sad, frustrated, sick, or hurting? How differently would you respond?
Once you’ve made a list of the things you’d do differently, the next part is simple: Surrender something, take up something else. Pick one thing you do or a habit you have that is preventing you from loving your spouse as well as you could, and surrender it. Give up this habit entirely for Lent.
Maybe it’s how much time you spend on your phone. Maybe it’s your defensiveness or short fuse or complaining. For me, it’s my self-centeredness. This Lent, my goal is to make a habit of considering what’s best for my husband before my own preferences, every time I can. This is a painful one, a significant “dying to self”. It’s already requiring greater flexibility in how I approach the day, humility about what I “deserve”, and patience with things beyond my control.
Then, pick a habit or activity you could start that would be great for your marriage. Take up this new habit for Lent. Maybe it’s showing more gratitude for your spouse’s efforts, planning a weekly date night for the two of you, or being more physically affectionate. Bonus points if you pick something your spouse would really appreciate.
God bless you and yours this Lenten season.
~ Cameron