Start with the Weakest Link
If efficiency is what you're after, start by addressing the weakest link in your marriage first.
Monday Motivation: Seneca, the ancient Stoic author, believed that bravery means not only facing what scares you when it confronts you, but seeking out what scares you before it confronts you.
Start with the Weakest Link
Most people believe healing a marriage takes many months if not years. But, it can happen much faster when a couple prioritizes their efforts properly, if they start with the weakest link first.
When you want to solve a complicated issue efficiently, like a business nearing bankruptcy or a complicated health diagnosis, you find whatever individual problem is contributing most to the larger issue, and you fix that first. That’s what it means to start with the weakest link: what single problem is most responsible for your business losing customers or for your recent diabetes diagnosis?
The same is true in marriage.
Yet, when we think about all the problems in our marriage, we often want to start with the low-hanging fruit, the little issues that seem easiest to solve. After all, some progress is better than none, right? Yet, those low-hanging fruits tend to be symptoms of the deeper issues rather than the root problems themselves.
That’s where Seneca’s definition of bravery comes in. If you want to heal your marriage as efficiently (and effectively) as possible, you seek out the problems you’re most afraid to face rather than allowing them the time and space to grow.
How to Do It
Spend some time over the next week thinking about what scares you most in your marriage. What areas of your relationship have you two swept under the rug, for fear that addressing them may bring you to a point of no return?
Once you’ve both taken time to think about this on your own, sit down together, and write out these issues.
Read over the list together, and pick which issue you think would do the most good for your marriage if you were to fix it tomorrow.
Try asking yourselves the question, “What could our marriage be like if this problem didn’t exist?” Whichever problem gives you the answer to this question that you two are most excited about is where you should start. That problem is the weakest link.
Then, you create a plan together that you’re both invested in to address that weakest link.
If you want help implementing this technique in your relationship, I’ve reserved some consultation spots for subscribers to this newsletter. You can contact me on my website if you’re interested.
Wishing you hope,
Cameron
P.S. - We’re beyond excited to launch the first version of the HITCHED app soon as the first-ever personalized, evidence-based blueprint for lifelong marriage. You can learn more and join the waitlist here.
Our group of beta testers (everyone on the waitlist) will not only be the first to get access to the platform but will also receive a coupon code for themselves and up to four friends to join the HITCHED community at a steep discount.
Nice post. I agree that solving the biggest problem first usually makes the most sense. Looking forward to hearing more from you. I’m new in this space as well and it seems like there is lots of room to grow. :)